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I hate scammers and there are a lot of them. Let me save everyone a hassle. I will not send money to anyone for any reason. I do not care if your grandmother is dying from malnutrition I will do nothing to support a scammer. I will not invest, handle money, or anything.
Here I must say something unique. (No unique not eunoch). I am an aging, sightly overweight, lazy, worthless, undisciplined, boring, and inconsiderate oaf. I am the perfect man for all of those women out there who want to reform someone.
If however you are stuck in Africa with a fortune from a dead Father, Uncle, or husband, I am probably not interested.
I will not be sending money to pay for a translator, for internet service, for your rent, your dying mother, or your tip to America.
I am honest, caring, senseitive, and insightful. I can be a great friend when I am not trying to be the lazy worthless oaf described above. 
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Being of such fine character myself, I am, of course, very particular about women. She should be able to breath on her own, a flashlight should not shine through her ribs at night. She must be able to maintain her own body temperature. Hair, teath, and body organs are a plus. She should probably hate everythning, and be totally disgusting in her personal habits. She should never laugh at my jokes or recognize any humor in this essay. Walking and chewing gum at the same time is highly desirable. If you can ot live up to these high standards, do not bother me. Oh yes, if you are a scammer - forget it, I would not bite. Will I shall bite if you want me to - maybe. 
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